THE LADIES BRAS
When the Trunk sampler called Now We Are Ten was being compiled, I realised I needed some exclusive tracks to make it even more appealing to the Trunk listeners who had might already have many of the recordings that would be featuring. It seems to be the done thing adding "exclusive" tunes to a sampler. My mind automatically went back to the days of Dirty Fan Male and the last studio recording we made. Right at the end of this old session we had recorded Wisbey singing the song we'd invented in Edinburgh during the Dirty Fan Male Fringe run. Much of our Edinburgh days, pre-performance, were spent mucking about and Wisbey used to set rude lyrics to odd tunes he'd made up. He's very good at it you see, and in those days couldn't help himself. One day I suggested he set the bra ditty he was currently singing to the tune of "The Gonk" from Dawn Of The Dead. The Ladies' Bras tune was thus born, it was instantly addictive and we sang it every day both to and from the theatre and for months afterwards. We eventually recorded it at the end of the last ever Fan Male recording. It sat quietly on a CDR for about two years. It was the track I'd been looking for, and so I put it on the Now We Are Ten sampler as a 35 second novelty number and thought no more about it.
As the sampler was being released, Wisbey got called in to do a session with Danny Baker on his All Day Breakfast podcast. I went with him and handed Danny Baker a copy of the sampler. I also explained that track 20, called The Ladies' Bras, was right up his street.
A week later the producer of the Danny podcast emailed to say that Mr Baker wanted to try and get The Ladies' Bras into the charts as a download only release, and also make it the shortest ever track to hit the hit parade. I thought they were having a laugh, but made sure that a special on-line itunes-only download of the track was available, complete with unique Ladies' Bras artwork.
Three weeks later and after a lot of plugging through his international podcast the Bras tune was released to a small crowd of on-line fans and the track hit the charts at an impressive number 71. Yes, Wisbey and I thought, that's the end of that and we carried on with our everyday lives.
A few weeks later we'd heard that other DJs had been playing it - like Sean Rowley, Rob Da Bank and Huw Edwards. Then I went on holiday. Not because they were playing the song, but because my wife had booked it.
While I was away I started getting phonecalls and text messages saying that Scott Mills, the Radio One drive time DJ was playing the Bras number rather a lot. It turned out that a good mate of mine had emailed the track to his producer, and Mr Mills had just picked up on 1) the inane catchiness of it 2) the possibilities of getting it into the charts seemed like ridiculous fun. The all powerful Scott Mills was now on a mission, was playing the tune about 7 times an hour on Radio One, and was telling his listeners to download it and get it into the top 40. Sure enough, by the weekend it was at an impressive No.27. There were weird Bras videos appearing on youtube, kids were singing it wearing their mothers underwear and Wisbey had been asked to go on to BBC News 24. And Lorriane Kelly had apparently been singing it to bewildered guests on her breakfast TV show.
The following week the chart hit had dropped to about 39, but The Ladies' Bras, at just 35 seconds, had done the damage. It now stands as the shortest track ever to chart. And certainly the shortest track ever to reach the Top 30. Apparently it now also holds the record for the most number of plays in any week on Radio One. So, thanks Ollie. Thanks Danny. Thanks Scott Mills. And Wisbey is giving all download money to the charity Breast Cancer Care. Titter ye not.